John M. Tobias Jr., 61, of Clearwater, FL died at the Bay Pines VA Medical Center, Bay Pines, FL on May 18, 2008 of natural causes.
He moved here from his native Detroit, MI in 2003; he was a salesman; a Catholic; a graduate of Eastern Michigan University with a degree in business and a US Army veteran serving during the Vietnam Era.
He is survived by his sons, John M. Tobias III of Salt Lake City, UT and Greg Tobias and his wife, Jessica of Walled Lake, MI; a daughter, Melissa O’Donnell and her husband, Victor of Walled Lake, MI; a brother, Joseph Tobias and his wife, Margo of Seminole, FL; a sister, Marie Singleton and her husband, Timothy of Walled Lake, MI and four grandchildren.
Services are 1:30 PM, Aug 8, 2008 at the Great Lakes National Cemetery, 4200 Belford Road, Holly, MI 48442 with the US Army Honor Guard.
VETERANS FUNERAL CARE 800-467-7850
John was a special man who would help me sort through my life and help my daughter with her math homework. I just wish he would of called me when he returned from Mich., maybe I could of helped him. You will be missed John.
Sandi
My dad was a very big hearted beautiful person.A big part of my dads heart was with his four grandchildren Jacob,Brenden,Josh,and Emily.When my dad and I had our quality time it was usally spent talking about the children.When my dad was home and healthy he was the most wonderful grandfather.It was always centered around his grandchilderen.There was so much that he wanted to do but his disease held him back.
The time I had with my dad in the last few years was quality time.We had alot of wonderful conversations about my dads life and family history.I will always have memorys of that person,a wonderful person.I love him very much.My children and my nephew will always remember there Baby Papa as a beautiful person.
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Love, Luther and Roxanne
As life long friends, John and I shared many of lifes experiences together. We were best men at each others weddings, shared in the best of life with graduations and weddings of children. We also shared in low points of life when each of our mothers died. John was giving of both his time and his support. I will miss him greatly as his kind of friendship is forever.
John and his family are an extension of my own family as John spent a lot of time at our house growing up. A lot of treasured memories and laughter during the good times. He will always have a special place in our hearts.
Tobias family, may the Lord Jesus Christ be with you in this time of mourning. John was like an uncle to me always full of good times and laughter. I remember growing up as a kid on the campus of Eastern Michigan University and then moving to Texas with John,Diane,Johnny,Greg, and Melissa. The Sminks and the Tobias all living in the same house, those were the days I’ll always cherish. May you rest in peace. Phil 4:13
Bryan,Cyndi,and Bryce Smink
Thirty two years ago on this date May 24, 1976I married John while he was attending Eastern Univeristy and I was working at the University of Michigan Law School. I had an immediate family with John and Johnny, and loved being a wife and mother. Gregory and Melissa came into the world shortly thereafter and years of happy family memories followed. There were glorioius times and very sad times, but I will always talk to our grandchildren about thier papa with love.
JOHN WAS THE OLDER BROTHER THAT LOOKED AFTER ME DURING MY CHILDHOOD. HE LIVED IN THE PROJECTS OF DETROIT AND GREW UP PLAYING SPORTS AND LEARNING LIFE ON HIS OWN. HE WAS MY MENTOR AND WAS INVOLVED IN MY EDUCATION OF SURVIVAL. HE WAS THE ULTIMATE BROTHER DURING MY CHILDHOOD. HE WAS THE MOST GIVING PERSON WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE EVEN IF HE DIDN’T HAVE IT TO GIVE. HE LOVED HIS FAMILY. IN AN AGE WHERE SINGLE MEN DIDN’T RAISE THEIR CHILD IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD HE STOOD UP TO THE RESPONSIBILITY AND DID IT. HE STARTED A LARGER FAMILY AND GAVE THEM HIS ALL UNTIL HE HAD NO MORE LEFT. HE DID A GREATJOB. HE WAS MY HERO GROWING UP AND IN HIS PASSING STILL IS.
We will always remember John as being extremely well read, knowledgeable, and humorous. He was one of the few people who could remember every detail of every book he ever read.
A fond memorary we have of him, is John wearing his Hemingway hat and looking like the man himself. We will miss him, may he rest in peace.
My dad was very well liked man every person he ever met he left a lasting impression, he would give you the shirt off his back and the last dollar he had. My dad was the one of the smartest and most caring people I ever met. My dad will always in my eyes be remembered as a great father and loved his grandkids more than life. His grandkids will miss papa alot but dad will always be there in heart and mind. I personally will miss my father and one of my best friends for life he was one of a kind and Josh and Jessica had a very special bond with dad and I am so grateful for that WE LOVE YOU POPS.
Love Greg+Jess+Josh
I would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and comments. My family is very thankful for all the support.
LOVE AND PRAYERS,
TOBIAS FAMILY
John was a great dad, and a wonderful, big hearted, caring man, like many of you have said who you could depend on to be there and help with anything you needed. He was a great brother, whom I could count on endlessly. We have many wonderful memories. Spending weekends at Eastern,him making me homemade pizza, John telling Tim at the alter at our wedding, it still wasnt to late to back outsuch brotherly support lol., spending many weekends w John, Diane and the kids, and Sunday dinners, before Zach,on Mothers day, John would always buy me a small gift so I wouldnt feel left out. He was a great support when mom and dad had passed away, and Tim and I were expecting Zach. He tried to fill the void of mom and dad not being there and did a wonderful job and absolutely loved Zach. John had the very best of friends, and I want to thank you all for your wonderful friendship and support over the years. Thanks for the great times bro, we will miss you.
When I first met John I was only 17 and was going with somebody else. I was still in high school and met him at a “grasser” no pot, just green grass, a bon-fire, and beer. After I quit going to Olivet College at age 19 and after he had been in Vietnam and was out of the service, we met again because of one of his very best friend’s, Greg Evans. Greg lived across the street from me when I lived on Union Lake. Greg was in Vietnam also but Greg was still in the service and John wasn’t. Greg asked John to “look after me” while he was away. Greg and I had dated only a few times but I liked him and we wrote to each other. I received a letter at Olivet College from Greg two days after he was killed. I was very sad but John was there then to help me. From his support and friendship grew love. I had such an attraction for him, his personality was magnetic and he had so many friends and he was always so kind to everybody. He was 2.5 years older than I am. We started dating and were married on 103169 yes, quite a date! in Halifax, West Virginia, because that was the nearest state that allowed someone the age of only 19 to be married. We were later married in the Catholic church on 32170 in MI because we were both Catholic and my mother wanted us to. I was not pregnant when we were married. When we moved to FL I was taking birth control pills. I knew I wasn’t ready to have a child but 5 days after I ran out of pills we were on Pine Island in a secluded spot and John put a hole in the condom and later boasted about it. Nine months later John Martin Tobias III Johnny was born, 9271 at Lee Memorial in Fort Myers, FL. John worked as a surveyor when we moved there for his dad’s company American Agronomicsin Miami. John really loved Johnny but it was a turbulent marriage so when Johnny was only 9 months old we separated. I moved back to MI and in 1973 our divorce was final. He contested it via my lack of residency time back in MI. In 1974 when I knew I needed to finish college and John begged me to allow him to keep Johnny, I allowed him to do that. I felt he was a good father and Marge and LouieJohn’s mother and step-dad wanted to help raise Johnny too. Louie stepped into a ready-made family of 3 little boys of Marge’s, John, Michael and Joe. John’s father left Marge for another woman, Rosalie, who was at one time Marge’s best friend. That’s why Marge had to live in the projects of Detroit. But Louie came into her life and was Catholic and never married before and was a wonderful person. He really loved Marge and her boys. They eventually had Marie and Marge finally had her little girl who was quite a bit younger than her boys. I absolutely loved Marge and Louie and Johnny was happy there living with them. Marge was more of a mother to me than my own mother was to me at the time. John was living with them at the time, too, before he moved to EMU. After I had a stable job, I couldn’t bear to upset Johnny by trying to regain custody of him. I always have loved him so very much and kept in contact with him, sent him gifts, visited him when I could and he visited me. I couldn’t believe, though, when John and Diane moved to Texas and didn’t tell me. I went to have my visitation with Johnny and they were gone. I was crushed. They came back, though, in a short time and I was able to see Johnny again. John and Diane did a great job raising Johnny and their two children, Greg and Melissa. I’m so glad Johnny is such a fine, caring, intelligent, sensitive man and has a sister and brother. His dad, John, was also very intelligent, well-read with a great vocabulary and sense of humor. Those things and others! attracted me to him a lot. Too bad Vietnam gave him Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome when he watched his best friend blown-up underwater. John was a diver and set charges underwater on ships. One time he realized his friend was not swimming away from the ship after setting a charge. So John started to swim back to the ship to get him when the charge detonated. He could see his friend’s body parts go in all different directions by the light of the explosion. He was devastated and had continuing violent nightmares all the while I knew him. Back then people didn’t know about PTS, though, and there was little, if any, help for it available. John started drinking more and had real trouble stopping. But he was a fine, descent man with a great sense of humor and many friends. Johnny wouldn’t be who he is today if it weren’t for his father. I’m so thankful for John and “Johnny” and we were both blessed to have had him in our lives. God bless you, John. May you always rest in peace. And I hope you’re saying “hello again” to our mutual friend, Greg Evans.
Hey Dad,
I was lying in bed hoping to fall asleep, but, like every other night since you’ve passed, my mind raced with memories and thoughts of you. It’s been almost two weeks since you took your last breath, and I miss you dearly. I’m honored to have been there and have my hand on your chest as you passed. The idea that I don’t have a dad anymore is a hard one to wrap my mind around. It’s hard to believe.
I wish we would’ve been closer over these last few years, but I had my life and you had yours. I understand. That’s the way it goes. I do know that you loved me, and I trust you know that I loved you. One of the best recent memories that I have is when you called me a couple of years ago for my 35th birthday. I happened to be in Boulder, Colorado for the weekend. We talked for a long time. You told me that you lived in Boulder–for a summer, I think it was. You came out with Billy Irons right after high school, if I remember correctly, and I think you said you worked as a bellhop at a hotel. It was great to hear that story–I had no idea. We talked about everything–women, politics, books, my life and yours. I hung up the phone so happy to have connected with you. It was the best birthday present. It also made me realize that there was much about you that I didn’t know. I had been thinking over the past year or so about asking you so many questions about your life–your life growing up, Vietnam, questions about when I was young, etc. I’m sorry not to have that opportunity anymore.
Thank you for being my dad. It often wasn’t pretty, but it was always lively and interesting. I learned so many lessons from you–both directly and indirectly. I wouldn’t have it any other way. A “Leave it to Beaver” upbringing would have bored the hell out of me. Thanks for not having that in you. Having said that, I am full of so many great memories: One of my first memories is getting little, red plastic skis for Christmas one year, and you took me out Christmas morning to go skiing down the hill at Grandma and Grandpa’s beach. I was maybe five years old. We also had many conversations about politics, philosophy and religion when I was a teenager. You encouraged my independent thinking as a matter of fact, looking at it now, I think you took pride in it. Thanks for bringing me into the world and raising me along with my moms and Grandma and Grandpa.
Dad, I feel like the most important lesson is one that came with your passing, and it’s one that I’ll work on the rest of my life. I got a pretty good glimpse into the nature of life and death, and I come away feeling like I want to make the most of this opportunity to be alive. It’s easy to take for granted, but my time here is limited and there are things I want to do for others and myself. This life is such a precious gift–I want to take advantage of it. Thanks for that one, Dad. I love you.
Bye Dad,
Johnny
1969: Michael Tobias and I were driving down Pontiac Trail, into Walled Lake…heading for the Big Boy. Michael had been talking about his brother Johnâ??s return from Viet Nam. John was Michaelâ??s eldest brother, spoken of with awe—the bright shining star of the family…Jesuit educated. The one who sent all his military payroll checks home to his mother—to be used if his brothers needed anything. I was a bit nervous about meeting such an iconic figure—so many stories had preceded him. But there he was…walking down Pontiac Trail…uniform on and duffle bag over his shoulder—it was John…come home.
1970: Florida—John Tobias seniorâ??s home. Father and sons reunited. John happy, excited, expectant. A new beginning…and a new life—Johnny was born. The mantle of fatherhood was passed.
1972: Union Lake—John and Johnny, inseparable. John intent on being the best of fathers—-passionate and protective. Always the best clothes…the best of everything for his son.
1975: Ypsilanti—John knocks on the door of my apartment in university family housing: â??Barb, I just got an apartment here with Johnny—Iâ??m going to finish my degree on the G.I. Bill. I donâ??t have a car—would it be possible for me to borrow yours from time to time…until I get my own…I would really appreciate it.â?? And he truly did appreciate everything anyone did for him. He never expected; he never demanded; he never assumed. He hated to ask for help. John felt most comfortable in being the â??giverâ??…not the â??receiver.â?? He had a code of ethics, a set of values, a sense of â??honorâ?? that precluded â??takingâ??—he wanted to pull his own weight…and at the same time, he loved nothing better than helping everyone else that touched his life. That was when John was the happiest.
1980â??s: John sitting at the kitchen counter on a tall stool, the Patriarch drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette, reading a book…always reading a book…always ready for a discussion on literature, philosophy, politics, religion. John loved to debate. And he could—he was one of the most intelligent, and in a unique way—wisest—people I have had the privilege to know. And in the background…the Eagles were always playing.
1990â??s: John at family picnics; nicknames, gifts, and dollar bills for the little ones. So proud of Johnny, Greg, and Missy. Laughter, hugs, and authentic caring…compassion. Always compassion…never judging anyone…only himself.
2000â??s: Illness, choices, sadness, separation—a lost soul, the walking wounded. A need to come back home; but not the ability to stay.
Last Memory: I arrived at the trackfootball field at the Old Clarkston High School. It was a Cancer Run for my son Ericâ??s wife Amy and my sister Diane. John was there…with Eric. There was some discomfort…some awkwardness—what to say, how to act. How is one part of a family and then not? How does the heart manage such things? At the end of the evening, most of the cancer survivors camped out on the field—John helped Eric and Amy set up…he wanted to be a part of things…and to help. I asked John for a favor that night…to please, in honor of our friendship over all the years, to please be…good…for Eric, Amy, and Dianeâ??s sake. And John gave me his word…and I knew his word was gold. I went home that night and I slept soundly…because at Johnâ??s core was a sense of honor and dignity that could never be lost. And he was true to his word.
And that is how I will remember John. Everything else has fallen away—only this remains: he was a man of honor, compassion, honesty, and love. That is how I will remember him—judging no one…only himself. We all loved him, and are relieved to have â??himâ?? back home…once again. All the pain and sadness are gone…..
What I see now, when I think of him, is that young man walking down Pontiac Trail, in uniform, with his duffle bag over his shoulder…heading toward his mom and Louieâ??s house—but this time heâ??s not alone. Walking to meet him, to welcome him back home, are his children and grandchildren—the lights of his life: Johnny, Greg, Missy, Jacob, Brendan, Joshua, and Emily. And they are a family once more…never to be separated again.
Barbara Laboissonniere Sister-in-law
So many things to say…so many things to think. Uncle John spent a lot of time with Eric and I in the last year, part of it living with us. Sometimes he was so helpful around the house, taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, cooking eggs and fried onions for us both. We spent Christmas with him this year….there was a lot of chocolate. Uncle John loved his chocolate. So many things to remember…what I choose to remember most strongly were the conversations we had while i was home after chemo….music, religion, family, books…this was a well read man and we were interested in a lot of the same books. We traded books back and forth and talked about them afterwards. We talked about music endlessly and this was a man who knew his stuff. Family was always the hardest and most interesting. It seemed he and Eric could debate for hours. And hours. And hours…He was a good man with a lot of issues and he will always be remembered in this house and the next.
Through Bryan I found out of John’s passing,and my deepest prayers are with you all….this has been some year….My sister’s son Robie shot himself in Jan.Aside from that the memories of John I could almost write a book….he was like the brother I never had….during those college years…my very first story I heard about John was after Barry’s first meeting John……he said he had visted his apt. and he had a full bath tub full of dirty dishes he was cleaning….and from that day on the laughs….just kept coming…..never a dull moment did we EVER HAVE IN OUR COLLEGE YEARS…thankyou John for the laughs …..really helped to ease up the rough times…got loads of pictures to prove it too…..many “MOONS” ago….We celebrated EVERTHING….LIFE AND ALL IT HAD TO GIVE GOOD AND BAD…. ALL of our BIRTHDAYS…ANNIVERSARIES…. holidays….WE had the dearest friendships…haven’t had one quite like that since….Again God bless you all at this time…Love,Susan…P.s.can’t listen to the Eagles without thinking of us all….summer-1980….turn 30 that June….
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Uncle Tommy and I had many wonderful visits and fun together with your Dad and the rest of your family. I’ll try to bring some pictures from the 70’s and 80’s with me. Aunt Dot and I will be there on the 8th. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
Love,
“Aunt” Rita
John
A good friend, may you rest in peace, and our paths will cross again.
Jerry
John was my half brother. John senior was our father. My brother Chris and I thought the world of John, as did my mother, Rosalie. I have so many wonderful memories of John and Diane and their kids, I donâ??t know where to begin. John spent a lot of time with us in Miami. I remember his being there with my cousins Teddy and David and we just had a blast. Chris and I were the little kids wishing we could stay up late with the adults.
In 1972 my parents divorced and we moved to Traverse City. Some years later John, Diane and the children did, too. How wonderful that was to have them near. We shared so many dinners lasagna with the tiny meatballs! and so many holidays with them. One of the best memories I have is when John gave my Mom her beloved black lab, Jake. How she loved that dog.
My mom thought the world of John and Diane and loved their children like they were her own. Eventually, John and Diane moved back to southeastern Michigan and of course we didnâ??t see them as much. I did, however, live with them for a short time when I took a job at the University of Michigan. Their home was like a second to me.
I loved John very much as I did his family. I would love dearly to hear from any and all of them.
Dear Dad,
Vic the children and I spent the week in northern Michigan,memories from when I was a little girl started to come.I wished you were there with me so I could just hug and tell you I love you one more time.I miss you so much,sometimes you don’t relize how important someone is to you until they are no longer here.
I love you and miss you with all of my heart.
Sis
Hey John,I’m going to remember the good times,and man we sure had a bunch of them! My thoughts, prayers and support go out to Johnny, Greg, Melissa and all your grandchildren. Your family loved you very much, and that is the measure of a truly good man. I’ll miss you John. Till we meet again. Your good friend, Don Budden
Wow, Uncle John. You would have loved the party that we threw for you on Friday. You would have absolutely had the best time. You and I both know that you had a drinking problem and that I hated it. I hate it when my husband drinks too much, which is too frequently. Anyhoo, you know how I felt about all that, we talked about it enough. But all was forgotten and forgiven that day. We danced, oh we danced. We drank, and oh yes, even I, drank way more than my limit. I cooked my last meal for you, Uncle John. I did the brownies especially for you, they were ooey, gooey chocolate, with a little bit of peanut butter and oh, how you would have loved them. It would have been a proud moment for you that day, as you looked at all of us. Each one remembering, acknowledging and letting go. Some of us for good, others maybe only for the day, or awhile, but they did and it was good. It was peaceful and rockin’ all at the same time. You could feel the love in that room. You could hear it, you could taste it, but most of all, you could feel it. It wrapped around like a large cloak, with you holding it out to make sure everyone was covered. I had words I wanted to say, but ending up missing my opportunity, and then, realized it didn’t need to be said. It was done. It was baked, it was drunk, and it was danced.
Since I met Eric only 5 years ago and we’re really a true couple four years ago, I consider you my uncle from that point. Everything I felt for you in four years, I poured into that day. Baking love into every pan of brownies, hugging your children, raising a drink in your honor several times. And at one point, looking over to the row of pictures on the wall, hoping that you’ll look up my Dad up there, maybe you guys can sit at the Legion in the sky and share a drink. I’ll cover the tab.
We talked a lot about music, and listened to a lot, and so that day I danced my heart out for you. I danced the way we did in December, stamping our feet and swirling around and laughing at Eric who was too stubborn to join our good time. And in a quiet moment at the end of day, sitting outside at the patio table, smoking our last cigarette, I thank you. For being a part of my life, for taking care of my man and treating him like a son. For treating me like YOUR niece, instead of some chic who married into the family. For having your wonderful family that I get to call family too. Your children, your siblings, your nephew, for these things I thank you.
Things didn’t end on such great terms here at the house and I’ve wished often enough that I could have said a few words to you about that. But I was chicken, and now my chance is forever gone. Or is it? I love you Uncle John and miss you. Your influence is in our house every day, both positive and negative, for it lives in the soul of my husband, who loved you so much.
I wish you peace Uncle John, know that you are loved and missed. My wish for you is a world where alcohol is not necessary, because you feel peace, serenity and happiness in every moment without it.